When my eyes are closed

Girl’s sister: “Hey have you seen my sister? She has been gone for a while?
Friend: “Hey! Oh yeah, she left a.. uh.. don’t really know how long? Maybe I should go look for her.”

[Girl’s friend walks out of the pub and around the area trying to spot the girl out. He finds her sitting on a bench near the pub. Her eyes are closed.]
Friend: “Hey there you are!”
Girl: “Shh”
He pauses.
Girl: “Can you feel it?”
Friend: “Feel what?”
Girl: “The pain. That is all I can feel. I feel it around me like the world is being consumed by it. Like everything is turning itself inside out. I can hear it. I can hear the pain in my head. My own mostly. It comes at different points. Mostly at the smallest thing, at the most ‘normal’ times. When I sit on the train. When I watch TV. When I lay in bed. It’s hard to snap out of you know? I can stand there and not even notice that I am crying. Just standing in the crowd staring into nothing. Other times when I am with friends it becomes something that I have to fight to hide. But I must be good at it. Because no one seems to ever know. Most of the time though I don’t hide it, but you all ignore it. I can sit there for hours. And no one will ever ask. When my eyes are closed is when I feel the tears run down my face, and I tell myself that it is normal to cry. When my eyes are closed there is a comfort in the darkness. It is a darkness that I can control. It holds me until I am ready to open my eyes and see light again. I can talk to myself and be my own therapist. Because I would never actually tell you these things.”

[Girl opens her eyes, and her friends isn’t there. She walks back to the pub in which she left and finds her friend.]
Friend: “Hey! I was just about to look for you! Your sister was getting worried.”
Girl: Yeah I know, just went out for a smoke.


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